Introspective Journey

I always anticipated feeling a sense of stress or sadness on my thirtieth b-day as I was certain that I would feel there were things I would have wanted to accomplish by this point in my life that I had not done. However, today I have a profound sense of calm and contentness with where I am in my life -- which is smack dab in the middle of the moment.

It is amusing to look back on past birthdays and recall all of the effort I put forth to make sure my birthday was celebrated -- throwing myself parties, rallying friends to join me for dinner, drinks and dancing, making sure people knew it was my birthday as I was so afraid that they would forget and I would end up alone and feeling unloved (one of my deepest insecurities).

Interestingly, I never felt the celebration with my family really counted as they were expected to love me. As I sit in this distant country where I only know the people I met on the plane and the friends of friends who have generously offered to let me stay with them, I realize how special those family celebrations have been. My immediate family would gather for dinner (which is always best when mom cooks); my father would make a toast in my honor; my mother would disseminates a series of very amusing photographs from my childhood; my brother and I would reminisce about "the good old days"; my father would lead the family in singing a passionate yet highly off-key rendition of happy birthday; and we all (including the family dog) would devour a delicious cake compliments of my sister-in-law Deb. As I look back I can think of nothing more comforting and loving than the simplicity of this family tradition.

The absence of many gifts and lots of fanfare has also allowed me to notice the love of friends that I am constantly surrounded by even when they are thousands of miles away. For instance, I have been traveling for almost 40 days now and only spent my first two nights in a hotel. The rest of the time I have been generously hosted by friends, either those I have made during this trip or those I have made thanks to introductions of many of you from home. I can think of no better example of the nurturing care and love of the many wonderful people in my life than this extension of hospitality.

I can also think of no finer gift than finally being able to realize that everything I have always been looking for has been right under my noise, only I have been to busy searching for it to notice. What an amazing and profound happy birthday!!!