Introspective Journey

First my thoughts were directed to the commitment my mother has made to my happiness and well being from before I was even born - enduring pain while I was in her womb so that I did not have to experience any discomfort; offering unconditional protection from harm, nurturing, nourishment, encouragement, and support; a lifetime of personal sacrifice in order to ensure that I experienced as little suffering as possible and endless amounts of joy.

Next I was instructed to reflect on the countless contributions that my father, grandparents, siblings, and other family members have made to my joyous life. From there my thoughts moved to the kindness of friends, teachers, doctors, colleagues, and neighbors as well as that of strangers. Finally I became present to the contributions that many people who could be considered as enemies have made by bringing me the experience of compassion through the very human expressions of suffering we both have expressed.

As I sat in silent introspection, I was profoundly moved by all of these people. As my thoughts transitioned from one individual to the next I was overwhelmed by the sea of faces that came to mind. My heart filled with joy as I envisioned each and every one of you as well as countless others I have never even considered as contributors to my life.

After cultivating awareness of the profound amounts of kindness and generosity in the world, I was asked to consider expressing the same level of unconditional affection and responsibility for all people and animals as my mother showed for me. I envisioned all people showing that same sense of concern and care to all fellow living beings. The image of the world that evolved was one of harmony, peace, joy, ease and comfort. All living beings were free of pain, distress, anxiety and fear. The world I imagined was the one we all hope to live in.

Throughout the course we were guided in similar meditations, cultivating universal compassion, generating a sense of equanimity for all sentient beings, literally taking the pain and suffering of others into our own hearts in order to bring joy and happiness to the rest of humanity. We also gained a profound understanding about the workings of the mind, humankind, and each of our individual roles in contributing to the suffering and happiness of all living beings.

Over the last several years I have been in search of something more fulfilling than the life I have been living. I have attempted to find this joy in a career of social service, a healthy body and lifestyle, stress reduction, financial success, new experiences, a comforting home, dear friends, wise mentors, positive thinking, recognition for my accomplishments and contributions. . . While each of these things gave me a sense of joy, the pleasure derived always seemed to fade with time leaving me in search of happiness once again.

A few years ago, my search brought me to the teachings of Buddhism, which I have been practicing with an increasing commitment ever since. It was this interest in Buddhism that sparked my desire to travel to Nepal and India, the birthplace of the teachings of Shakyamuni Buddha, in order to deepen and broaden my understanding of the dharma (the teachings of Buddhism).

My various life experiences have helped me to realize that there is no permanent happiness to be found in the selfish satisfaction of my material, physical and emotional desires. Through this course I have discovered that committing myself to the provision of unlimited and unconditional love and compassion for all of humanity is the one joy that does not fade with time. Actually, as my ability to generate this type of generosity and responsibility for the world increases, so does my experience of happiness, so does that of those around me.

As such, I finally took my official vows of refuge in the teachings and guidance of Buddhism.

While "becoming a Buddhist" may seam dramatic, it was not for me as I have been living by the guiding principles of not killing, stealing, lying, and consuming intoxicants for some time now and already engage in a daily practice of meditation. It also does not mean I am giving up all of my material possessions or becoming a nun who will live out my days bald and in a monastery.

These vows represent a life commitment to the cultivation of increased consciousness and responsibility for how my thoughts, actions and words affect others. I have made these promises as I know that this is the path that will offer me the greatest sense of true happiness and afford me the best opportunity for delivering joy and peace to those around me.

When I sit in silent reflection every day, and recommit myself to this virtuous life, despite the many times I have and will fall short of treating everything and everyone with loving kindness, I find compassion for my own humanity as well as those around me. At that very moment, my heart stops racing, my breath slows to an easy rhythm, I am happy, I am at peace.