April 29, 2004
Do I stay or do I go
I have been lying here in the bed of my hotel room since 3am unable to sleep. Of course I have spent a portion of these waking hours thinking of the things I need to do like buying my ticket back to India, sending a package to NYC, calling Verizon to ask them to extend the temporary suspension of my cell phone for another 3 months, etc. However my mind and heart keep reminding me of Kruno's advice of "going deep."
While I have really enjoyed the last 6 weeks, as they have been filled with so many magical experiences, I cannot help but notice that the calm, clarity and serenity I gathered while in Omkareshwar are slipping away from me as I have returned to the world of do, do, do, go, go, go and planning my next move.
To an extent I must engage in thoughts of planning as my flight to Bangkok is scheduled for next month and thus I must decide if I am going to adhere to that date of departure or change it. Actually, that is the easy part as I am certain I want to extend my stay in India. The challenge is determining when to reschedule for. There are so many factors to consider including the upcoming monsoon season that is scheduled to hit both India and the SE Asian region I am planning to visit next, tentative plans I have made to meet friends at future destinations, a deep desire to see the south of India in the fall, a strong sense of responsibility to be back in NYC by November to cast my vote against the future of the Bush administration, a faint feeling that for once I should consider my responsibility to nurture myself through this voyage above my civic duty as a citizen. . .
This last issue is particularly present as I travel through Tibet. I can not help but feel an urgency to do everything in my power to ensure that the USA is governed by an administration with a commitment to building a just and humane world for ALL of it's citizens, one that will pursue such a vision through bold leadership and policies, both domestic and international, that reflect the democratic values that we stand for with the utmost of integrity. At the same time I am reminded of the passage in the end of the Dalai Lamas autobiography “Freedom in Exile” where he expresses that the best way for ordinary citizens of the west to assist with the Tibetan cause is to learn what they can and share their knowledge broadly. As I walk among the Tibetan people, with their rich Buddhist culture of selfless compassion for all sentient beings that is being forcibly dissolved against their will and at the hands of a political system ruled by a drive for power, I am deeply torn.
At this very moment I feel the unique opportunity I have to travel, learn, observe, record, and share my insights about my global brothers and sisters is in many ways a more precious contribution than one vote. This is the choice that allows my mind and heart to rest.
Thus, I am going to extend my trip, go deeper within the cultures around me and within myself, and hopefully cultivate some awareness that encourage those who read my postings to stop, reflect, question and tune into their own internal wisdom.
Posted by Jyllt at April 29, 2004 03:40 PM
Jyll, you are amazing. Your thoughts and considerations are fascinating to observe. I understand your desire to end the Bush reign of terror, but you will do a lot to increase the world's view of Americans by being there. Either way, you will do well. Know that the journey you are on is one that most people will never be able to make. Enjoy it. Relish it. Experience it to the fullest. Feel the rain. Let it drench your spirit. Let it refresh you. And seek warmth and dry conditions when you need them. When you need a break, take one. When you need a long hot shower, take one. When you need to cry or laugh or hug somebody - just do it. Remain strong, my friend. Be true to where your spirit leads you. Please keep writing. I hope you are keeping a daily journal, collecting the small momentos along the way, and spreading peace with every step. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. Bye for now, Gail
Posted by: Gail at April 29, 2004 04:47 PM
Keep on keepin' on, my sister! We, your friends, are in full support.
Wishing you continued peace, love & understanding.
Posted by: Magda at April 30, 2004 02:20 PM
I am glad that you decided to extend your time here in India. Gail's support is well placed. It has become evident to me that we can help heal the world just one person at a time. You have no doubt found yourself as an ambassedor of compassion and good will. People in India and in much of the world have a distorted view of "what is an American". Your presence here is helping to balance that view and bring clarity and you can still ask for an absentee ballot and help to oust Bush in November.
love and blessings, omshanti
ps: you will love South India
Posted by: omshanti at May 1, 2004 11:10 AM
I just started reading your postings, what a wonderful gift for you to share with us! It seems like you are having an awesome, inspirational, educational, spiritual, adventure and I admire you so much for doing it.
We MISS you!! Be safe!
Zine, Patrick, and Kieran Zazi
Posted by: zine at May 2, 2004 10:13 PM